Welcome!
Attention Door-to-Door Salesmen!
To save you your time, and of course our time, we've provided you with this handy QR code to let you know: We're not interested!
We are so grateful that you've taken time out of your day to knock on our door, but again: We are not interested!
We're completely content with our internet speeds, our house, our lawn, and everything else! If we weren’t, trust us, we would have done something by now!
Let’s say it together: We're. Not. Interested!
Our Firmly Unsolicited Promise
We understand that sales are a tough gig, and we genuinely respect your hustle. But we also cherish our precious free time, which we’d like to spend not being pitched products or services we didn’t ask for. So, we promise you this:
- If we ever need a new lawn service, we’ll be the first to browse the internet and pick one out.
- If we ever need faster internet, you can bet we’ll be on the phone with our provider before you can finish your pitch.
- If we ever want to switch energy companies, we’ll use that flyer as inspiration to keep the lights on…while we sit quietly, ignoring it.
Remember, it’s not you—it’s us. We’re just not that into unsolicited visits.
FAQs
Q: What if I have the best deal on internet service?
A: That’s fantastic! But we’re already thrilled with our current service. We might even frame their bill—we love it that much!
Q: Can I just leave a flyer?
A: Sure, but we’ll probably just use it as a coaster. So, save your paper and our recycling bin some effort.
Q: But I have a once-in-a-lifetime offer!
A: We hear you, but if we wanted it, we would’ve already Googled it. Remember, the only “once-in-a-lifetime” thing we’re interested in is the peace of not being disturbed.
Q: What if I just want to chat?
A: We recommend starting a blog! We love reading about people’s lives… when we choose to.
Q: What if I’m offering something for free?
A: We appreciate the gesture, but as the old saying goes, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” So, we’ll pass—on both the lunch and the pitch.
Q: What if I’m from a charity?
A: We fully support the causes that matter to us, but we prefer to donate online. It saves us both the awkwardness of saying “no” in person.
Q: Who can I contact for more information?
A: If you have any questions, please don’t ask us! We won’t provide you any answers! But feel free to shout into the void; it’s surprisingly therapeutic.
Our "Contact" Information
Note: This section is purely decorative. We’re not looking to make any new friends or business connections, but it does make the website look more official, don’t you think?
- Email: Oh, please don’t.
- Phone: Shh... Do you hear that? That’s the sound of blissful silence. Let’s keep it that way.
- Address: Well, you’ve already found us, but we’ll let you guess where we keep the moat and the drawbridge.
Legal Notice
No Soliciting: By knocking on our door, you automatically agree to the following terms and conditions:
- You will not take offense when we kindly, but firmly, decline your offer.
- You will not attempt to engage us in small talk or convince us that your product is life-changing.
- You will not challenge our decision with phrases like “Are you sure?” or “But wait, there’s more!”
Violators will be subjected to a polite but unwavering “No, thank you,” followed by the sound of our door closing.
Thank You!
We appreciate you taking the time to visit our website instead of our doorstep. We wish you the best of luck in your sales endeavors—just not here. Keep up the good work and remember, there’s always someone out there who might actually be interested… somewhere else.